Jenny here.
Often times, some of the most important people in your life,
are not determined by length of relationship or genealogy. Sometimes, you just know when you meet
someone for the first time that you will continue to know and love them forever
in one way or another. Time can pass…but
you know all the sayings…it’s like nothing, or at least the essential things,
has changed.
Back to that in moment…
First the Wil updates.
He saw his internist and audio doctors last week. He still has some hearing loss that they will
continue to monitor, and continuing wax build up…so…I guess he’s off the hook,
for now, when he says he can’t hear me ;)
At his internist, they added a new med to his neuropathy management
cocktail—Cymbalta—which I am very familiar with in the mental health side of
things, but until a friend mentioned it for pain management, I wasn’t aware it
was being used a lot now for nerve pain as well. Cross your fingers…it will be about 6 weeks
of taking it before Wil can determine if it’s helping. He will see his BMT team in August for new
blood work. Until then, it’s just keep
living! We have about 5-6 community events
on our radar for the fall…making up for lost time…and we LOVE Fort Worth (and MELT ice cream! See pic below). Wil has decided he needs a pic of a Pokémon
on our dog’s head, since he has been playing Pokémon Go (anyone else already
weary of the constant discussion of this game?
I finally downloaded it because it’s entering discussions in therapy
sessions…YESSSSS…so, solely for research purposes and so I can have a competent
conversation with my husband now, I am playing (sigh, lol). So, keep on the lookout for “Pokémon-on-our-dog’s-head”
posts if he achieves his wish. #LifeGoal! I will admit, it’s an interesting concept and
changes your view of the places you visit.
You almost feel like you are seeing them for the first time, and in
fact, landmark wise, sometimes I am!
SEEN.
So often, I think we miss the mark with each other, in
relationships, not because we don’t HEAR each other. No, I think we hear at least partially, but
are already formulating our rebuttal by the time the other person has finished
their last word. Sure, there are times
when people don’t listen at all. Yet,
more times in my own life, and witnessing relationships in my work, people
hear, yet fail to SEE.
Our world seems to be screaming it right now too.
We all ask to be heard.
Isn’t that what everyone is saying right now? Please HEAR me? And believe me, I think we all need to do
that…But do you know what is better than someone hearing you? It’s someone holding space for you. It’s
someone looking at you, warts and all, and you knowing….they agree to see the essential
core. And you really knowing and feeling…that you
make sense to them. That you are SEEN. This.
It transcends any opinion. It
doesn’t give advice or try to solve everything.
Still…being seen achieves so much more than being heard offers most
days.
These people who can see you can seem few and far
between. But they are the ones that can
have you in quiet tears without saying a word.
They help calm the inner critic and you deepen your own self-acceptance,
all without that being the objective. You
can’t hide your true feelings from them, and conversely, you don’t really want
to either. You don’t need to wear any
armor around them because they have made it clear—they love all of you—their love
is not a la carte. They can speak gentle
truths and you are better because of it.
They can just sit with you in silence and you are better because of
it. And they allow you to do the
same. Because holding space for someone has
nothing to do with words, opinions, or finding common ground. It has everything to do with seeing from the
other side and letting another’s reality melt you. The act of truly seeing someone might be the
greatest form of love we can give each other.
It’s not an easy one though.
And I am no exception. Vulnerability,
as strength, was not a message I received as child. I think I’m not alone when I say that rules,
behavior and life choices were probably more highlighted than the skill of
being who you really are, outside of those expectations. I picked a career where I hold space for
others with ease every day…in my own life though, I prefer my vulnerabilities staying
hidden. Don’t crack to let light in. Stay strong.
Side note: While this
blog has been highly personal, in many ways throughout the past couple of
years, there is still so much I’ve never felt OK saying. Still so much blocked behind fear that no one
wants to hear about the even drearier hard stuff, the weaker moments, the true depths,
the days that don’t always end on a high note, unicorns wrapped up in hope and
glitter and such. I joke with Wil that I
need a secret blog-behind-the-blog.
Those are the stories that have shaped me more than the ones I have openly
written about, yet they are also the ones I feel shame about too. The actual vulnerable, and not just the sort
of vulnerable (even in my own private writing it can be hard to get there). That’s my own work to do…but it helps, along
the way, to experience someone breathing in pain with you…
So today, sitting across from a chosen sister, who refuses
to let me hide, I had no choice but to be seen.
And it’s scary and amazing…all at the same time. I sat there, not very articulate about what a
gift it was to be there with her, with her total acceptance. Not the kind of acceptance that is just about
facts. The kind of acceptance that is acknowledgement
of worth, beyond any other detail than just being. Does that make sense? Seen-ness as a standalone offering. I hope you have felt this at least once
before yourself…because we all need more of it, and need to bestow it, in the days and weeks and
years to come.
Today broke open my soul in a way I have been needing. So, thank you soul friend. I’ve always known you were an amazing friend,
but I hope you know what a rare person you are in this life—and what an example
to the world you are to me. I’m pretty
lucky to have found you. Luckier still,
to be seen by you.
Much love.
