Jenny here again. Wil has not been up to blogging. If you know him well you know he loves entertainment, media, sports, etc. Sunday he could not even stay awake to watch any football. I was there most of the day and he slept through all the games.
We also found out yesterday that his liver is having some trouble since the last chemo. They had been watching levels because jaundice can be a side effect. Sunday we were told he was in fact jaundiced and that chemo was on hold for this week until his liver recovers enough. Today his levels were worse so he is on some additional meds to try and correct this. With all the meds for nausea (4 total), 2 steroids, pain meds, and now the meds for the jaundice, he just sleeps a lot. Eating is a struggle. Everything seems to eventually make him feel sick. Sitting up, standing, a hug...it all makes him feel sick. He's a little disorientated when he is awake but still walked the hallway several times and showered. Looks like he will be in past Christmas at this point.
Tomorrow he goes for his second CT guided bone marrow biopsy. Hoping for good results.
I am...holding tight. It's hard to believe its almost the end of the year. 10 months ago we were moving and celebrating his 40th birthday. 9 months ago all this medical stuff started.
I walked past the fresh cut Christmas trees a little more slowly than usual at the store. Listened to Cake at insane levels in my car with the sun roof open. Did my best to be normal through private practice sessions (it's hard to be your most creative self when your heart is living outside your body on the BMT unit and you're just tired). I made myself dinner. Played with the dogs. Realized I've never really lived alone because I went from home, to college, to roommate, to marriage. At different times in our marriage one of us has traveled for work or we have worked opposite shifts. Sleeping alone and eating alone just come with it, for short periods of time. But not having a coherent partner to process things with and say goodnight to makes being alone at home just lonely.
I can't even imagine how you are coping as well as you are. Stay strong when you need to, but also feel free to call your friends for a release of pressure. My phone is ALWAYS on if you need me.
ReplyDeleteBTW--you looked great yesterday. I need your secret! <3
oh Jenny! :( I'm so sorry!! Wish there was something I could do!
ReplyDeleteI think every day we are both adjusting a little more to this new life. And thank you Cynthia...my secret? Crazy work hours, little sleep, taco bell bean burritos without cheese, and a marriage I could not have dreamed up for myself but that I somehow lucked out in :)
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