The Joy Ride

Jenny here. Merry Christmas!

"There is some kind of sweet innocence in being human -- in not having to be just happy or just sad -- in the nature of being able to be both broken and whole, at the same time." -C. JoyBell C.

Illness is lonely no matter how many people love you. I know that sounds bleak for Christmas Day, but bear with me. It's just a fact that no one can be here with me all the hours I spend with him. I have to face and deal with much of this on my own. Everyone has their own lives and families to attend to and obligations to keep.  Part of my journey is learning to ask for and recieve help. Part of it is accepting that some of life will always be walked alone, in shadows.  For Wil, enduring the challenges, pain, and physical set backs are his own personal prison that he has to face. I'm right here, but I can't know how it feels to be in his place either.

I love quotes and this year I keep coming back to the one above. These two states are not separate or at odds but, instead, great collaborators in my life.  The ability to cherish small pockets of joy during crazy life events....I can't say I'm great at it every day, but when it happens I feel peace no matter what. I'm pretty sure this is how life is most wonderfully lived;  experiences of growth happen in a place between brokenness and wholeness, smack dab in the middle of it.

But today....in between Wil's begging to let him quit and his ecstasy of wheelchair joy rides...in between my tears of exasperation and hugs from my family...This Christmas I'm not really sure how to express how the last 40+ days has felt. But I'm thankful for the brokenness because of the small acts of kindness we have witnessed (whether it be hugs, visits, gifts, doggie care, cash, texts, messages, cards, decorations)...the unexpected, the real Christmas miracles. Love to you all. 

Update:  Wil is still at UTSW another night. He's developed an infection with several strains of crud.  The Foley comes out and he's on preventative meds so he won't get a UTI as well. Most likely he will transfer tomorrow to another SNF a little closer to home. The goal is to gain endurance and then get re evaled for the UTSW rehab floor.   He's been struggling with reality at night because of sleep issues, so a little dose of Haldol is in the works for tonight to try and get his normal sleep pattern back. He is still pretty frustrated because communicating is hard and he is stir crazy.