Stuck

Jenny here.

Well, we have been iced in for 2 days and tomorrow doesn't look great. Normally any kind of winter weather in Texas makes me want to jump up and down.  But not this year. Wil is pretty down right now. Texts, phone calls, tv, music...nothing helps and he says everything just takes so much energy.  I'm pretty cut off from him all day with just a few short texts or phone calls in between him sleeping. Our last call tonight was a tear jerker for me. He is a pretty upbeat guy. I've never heard him use the word miserable so many times. He is homesick. He just kept saying "I want to come home."  It makes me remember my dad making half conscious calls from his room when I was a kid, him saying he wanted to come home. This whole thing is just unearthing a lot of buried memories. I'm homesick for Wil too. But I'm doing my best to rest while I'm stuck at home away from him.  I feel so blessed that not a day goes by without someone near or far sending a message.  Once Wil is feeling better he will get to appreciate these too.

His jaundice is hanging on.  Hallucinations have pretty much tapered off but his conversations can still seem to suggest he is disoriented at times. The jaundice is not worse, but his chemo is still up in the air until his liver is OK.  He did hit the neutropenia wall and is in an up swing because the chemo was delayed last week. What that means for him is when chemo starts back up he will probably have to hit neutropenia again. In his words, "it really sucks."  He is on fall risk for safety because he has been feeling dizzy and weak. 

MRI results showed the tumor has not gotten smaller like they had hoped. But it's not bigger either and he is in no pain from it anymore. We are not sure if they will recommend any other treatment for it. He is still on constant steroids to try to shrink it and it's driving him crazy. He is so fatigued yet it makes his legs want to move constantly which tires him more.

His bone marrow biopsy showed that he is now in remission. In terms of ALL this is a great first step and ups his cure rate!  But unlike some other types of cancer this means we are just in the first lap of a 3 year race.  We are happy. But I think for both of us the idea of how much there is to come (the bulk of treatment is after remission) and living with so many questions is tiring and we are still adjusting. We are both counting down the days until he might be home--it doesn't even feel like the holidays.